Ramblings of the Quidditch Queen of England
by kidarock
Summary: The title says it all! Rolanda Hooch and her many thoughts all into one diary! R&R RHSS eventually
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: Unfortunatly I own nothing but six books and a nice collection of CD's:-(

A/N: I thought I would try a different character, a less known one, to be paired off with Severus (in the end). I know the Hooch/Snape ship is not a popular one but I thought I could have some fun with it. I hope you like it, if not, oh well. Please review, I do like to here a range of opinions in howIcan improve ;-)

And a big thank you to my beta-reader zazzle!

**Ramblings of the Quidditch Queen of England**

**December 24, 10:02pm**

_24 mad laps around the Quidditch pitch, 1 glass of cherry, 6 mince pies (All in preparation for the worst night of my life; for the 9th time)_

Well, here I go, once again down to the annual Hogwarts Staff Crimbo Bash for what seems like the hundred and fiftieth time. Every year I have to turn up, as I have no other-half to blame my absence on and no particularly good reason not to go anyway. Not that I hadn't tried every other excuse ranging from 'My broomstick lost its co-ordination,' to 'I am far too ill to come' to my ever favourite, 'I slept with my best mates boyfriend and we had a huge row.' But none of them have ever excused me from these few ghastly hours of torture where I try desperately to get myself drunk on Butterbeer and low-alcohol punch made by Pomona Sprout. I have never succeeded to date, but I did once pretend to pass out, but to my immense disappointment I only to found one of the old farts (whose name I cant be bothered to remember) standing over me, trying to kiss me. Not a pleasant experience I can assure you. To make matters worse, the staff decided that I was ungrateful for the old fart's services and proposed that we go on a date to a flashy restaurant in London.

I think not, somehow.

Especially not someone who smells of cigarettes and looks like he flew smack into a Quidditch goal pole several times, but I digress. I absolutely detest these staff 'get-togthers' as Minerva would call them. They are pointless, boring and I'm always the one they are trying to match off with some snotty pureblood with a burgeoned side-parting who thinks Quidditch is a mans sport and a kitchen is the women's place to be.

Pfft.

I don't think so, for some reason.

They just don't see that I hate being dragged around in some red tartan – yes _tartan_ – dress that Minerva bought for me to wear for this particular night because she thought it bought out the colour of my eyes.

Wonderful.

I am now officially at the top of the 'most wanted list' by the fashion police.

To top it off, I am one of the most well known people of the whole group excluding Dumbledore himself, and there will most likely be people what want pictures and autographs. Oh and did I mention that every staff member is allowed to bring four people of whom they choose to this get-together?

Ack, I would bring my wonderful brother but unfortunately he has skipped the country until tomorrow and shall suffer my wrath for the umpteenth time. Oh god, here we go. I think just a quick prayer would do me good, even though I am not a muggle. Oh hell, lets get it over with!

And tonight, Mathew, I'm going to be…

FD.

And here come the fake smiles and bitchy comments about my attire. I would personally like to thank Minerva in the morning, once I have drowned my sorrows in a HUGE bottle of whisky once I return to my chambers, for the humiliation she has caused me. Even Severus looks better than I do and he's in a reindeer waistcoat that sings 'Merry Christmas' everytime you touch one of the noses. As predicted, not two minutes in the door and I get dragged around all the males in the room. Most look uninterested, some dismiss me and others (mainly the old guys) look like they're in for an early birthday present. As if!

"Oh Minerva, you forgot Severus! Silly! We can't leave poor Severus out!" Poppy Pomfrey suddenly announces to Minerva and the whole room. So I get frog marched by Poppy, Minerva and Pomona over to where Severus sits in his dark corner trying to blend in with the darkness but failing, and trying desperately to cling on to every bit of furniture as we go along. Standing in front of a Slytherin looking sheepish is no mean feat for a Gryffindor, but then again, even Severus looks slightly afraid of what they're about to put him through.

"Come and fill up your glass Poppy," Minerva said loudly and pushed me closer to Severus.

"I don't need a re-fill, I got one earlier!" Poppy replied airily and waved her hand. Minerva looked at her and raised her eyebrows. "Oh of course! Sorry, must have a re-fill!" she giggled and dashed away to catch up with Minerva and Georgia.

"So, enjoying yourself?" I asked trying to make light conversation.

"Don't play thick, it insults the both of us," Severus snapped back.

"I'll take that as a 'no' then," I said ignoring his comment.

"You're a very clever witch," he said with a mock-toast to me and drank the rest of his punch. Taking that as my leave, I saw Albus and made a beeline across the room to him.

"Ah Rolanda!" he said cheerfully and poured out a glass of punch for me. "Here, all that frog-marching must have made you thirsty,"

I smiled wanly at him and accepted the cup of greeny-gungy stuff warmly.

"How's it going?" I asked lowering my voice and looking around the room.

"Oh smashing," what he really meant was 'hell', but Albus is a gentleman, and will never let on more than his usual happy façade. Smiling, I took the opportunity to take a quick glance around the room to see which areas I must avoid being dragged off to. Looking at the middle-aged section I saw a very tall, handsome, dark-haired man talking to Sophia Sinistra and a few boring people who were here last year. No doubt some relatives of one of the boring members of staff. I linked eyes with him for a split second and felt myself go all pink.

"Oh, so you like Marcus do you?" Albus said into my ear and I felt my blush deepen. I felt like I was sixteen again and being told off by the headmaster for getting up to no good in the Quidditch block showers. "I'm surprised you haven't noticed him before, he has been on staff since September,"

I generally try not to spend time in the staff room as my attributes are always discussed by either sex and I am always put on the spot with a really embarrassing question like "So, who have YOU been seeing lately," as if I am the school's bicycle. I do have to feel sorry for them though as they do lead rather boring lives. Since they have past the age of having sex, one have to find other things to amuse one's self. I dread the day that happens to me. One of my worst fears is turning into a hypercritical old bat like my aunt. I feel sorry for my dad, having to have a sister like that! Maybe that's why he moved to America to escape the brashness of the British. I shall never know as he died when I was four. I am now depressing myself further.

"Oh, no," I managed to reply. By that time Albus has been swarmed by a group of women trying to ask him out on a date. This is why we stick together; we know the feeling of being famous. No doubt Minerva shall rescue him in a few short minutes and then it shall be back to hunt-the-first-available-male-down-for-Rolanda-to-marry. Honestly, I think their marriage has to be the best well-known secret of the wizarding world. I don't know how he copes with it all.

**11.54pm**

I am now currently by the punch bow, filling you in, and fetching two cups of this ghastly looking concoction. Oh well, I hope Georgia over-did the alcohol. I am trying desperately to get asked out on a date with Marcus as he is;

A bona-fide sex god

I have heard many good things about the bedroom department, and

It will save me from being dragged around looking like medieval Scottish loser with a sign above my head saying 'Help me, I'm in need of a good shag'.

Mind you I would not blame him if he did not.

**12.23am**

Oh yes. She definitely over-did the punch. Either that or someone else has spiked the drinks. It is not that good for I cannot write or walk straight. 'Tis very hard trying to do both at once.

Oops, tripped over Filius Flitwick and landed in the lap of the person whom I hate:

SEVERUS SNAPE.

He just sneered at me. Bastard.

Oh god, I am now being steered away from HIM and from the direction I was going in to see Marcus by Pomona!

The only thing worse!

**1.43 am**

I think I'm going to escape while I can and drown more of my sorrows in that beautiful bottle of whisky that I have back at my quarters. It is depressing for a thirty…thirty, erm, cough eight cough one year old to walk back to her chambers in a state of hopelessness ALONE. All I have to look forward to is a cold bed and my memories to keep me company. I have to keep my cool for I am The Quidditch Queen of England, ex-star seeker of the Holyhead Harpies and ex-England captain, and…oh god. Shut up woman.

I need a whisky…or two…

What do you think? Review and tell me, even if you think it's rubbish...


	2. Its Christmas?

Disclaimer: I don't own anything so find some other poor soul to screw some money out of...

A/N: Yay! I'm back! and a big thank you to my reviewers! I hope I won't disappoint you with this next chapter!

Thanks to my beta-reader zazzle!

Its Christmas?

**December 25, 9:43a.m**

_Merlin knows many hangover potions I have just consumed, a letter from my aunt to come for Christmas dinner or facing the consequences of suffering her horrible wrath if I don't turn up, 1 very sweet cup of tea and a pee bowel for when I throw everything up I have just mentioned (even the letter because I ate it out of frustration and anger). _

Oh God. I feel like hell. Even with the god knows how many hangover potions I have just desperately downed to sober up for my aunt's Crimbo dinner. It will just be like last night only worse. I will actually have to marry the snotty-nosed bastard she tries to pair me off with. Ahh why couldn't I have been a bug? At least that way I don't have to be paired off with someone for the rest of my life whom I hate. Although so far I have managed with my bravery and cunning wit of a Gryffindor to fend off every rich, fat and ugly pureblood I have come across by secretly announcing to them the night before the actual wedding that I was a lesbian.

Not that I have anything against lesbians or gays.

In fact my best friend Jules Davis is gay (he was a chaser on the England team when I was the captain) and I find that I could never live without him. When we were less well known, we would both find the nearest club or bar and do some fitty spotting. I found that it was fantastic to have a gay best friend because you could take him anywhere and if both of us liked a particular man, Jules would strut up to him and say, "Hey, I think you are a fantastic looking fella. But if you don't swing my way, my friend Rolanda would gladly take my place." Never again would I be doomed to be the singleton of the England Quidditch Team. Thanks to Jules, I have had several successful relationships. Oh and he is also the best shopping partner I have ever known. On a perfect day, we both would wander aimlessly through the shops until we came to an ice cream parlor where we would sit until the sun went down taking about our favorite sports: fitty spotting and Quidditch. Why can there not be a straight man that likes the same? A man who knows your every desire and likes to be part of them.

It's not fair.

**10:11a.m**

I actually just managed to make it to the toilet when I threw up. Well there goes my last hangover potion. I was actually going to make my way over to the shower but I never got there in time.

I keep saying actually.

Hmm.

Favorite word of the day.

I'm rambling.

Shut up woman...

**10:37a.m**

I think I would actually like to stay with my head wedged between the toilet and the sink rather than make my way to my aunt's house. I wish I had pulled last night. That Marcus bloke was top notch. I must ask him out on a date sometime, in more adequate garb than last night's total waist of cloth and dye.

Oh my god!

It's Christmas!

I totally forgot! I mean how could I forget? I have already mentioned the Crimbo dinner at my aunt's...It never clicked.

Stupid woman!

**10:44a.m**

The thing about Christmas is that I have never really liked it. I only like the build up to Christmas what with all the songs, parties, children and cheerful atmosphere. But when it comes to the actual day its a nightmare. First you get up early just to see what colour knickers you're aunt Bessie has bought you and all the usual bathroom smelly's, (Like they think that you stink – I send Severus this wonderful hamper full of bubble bath, soap and shampoo last year. He didn't acknowledge me for the rest of the term, which was rather nice really.) Or chocolate to make you fat. Then you spend the next six hours preparing for the celebratory Chrimbo dinner which has taken up most of the morning by itself and then you spend the next few hours lounging with boring family members that insist you stay until the ministers speech at six PM. How very exciting, wouldn't you agree?

No.

Anyway, back to the present front:

The usual from Albus: A wonderful hat, this time its dark red with ribbon around the rim.

From Minerva: I received a new Hogwarts Quidditch broach to stick on my uniform.

From Poppy: a vintage bottle of Sapphires wine from the South of France.

From Filius: a charming little fairy the lights up and changes colour in a crystal globe.

From Pomona: my favourite rose in a pot, a Black Widow. It's a black rose with blood red tips; they are so rare and beautiful.

From Severus I received a toy broomstick complete with pretend broomstick servicing kit and a charming note attached to it

_Dear Rolanda,_

_I saw this and thought of you. It will keep you busy, for once. _

_Regards,_

_Severus_

A perfect gift.

I smiled evilly as I remembered what I had bought for him when I read his note. I was gazing through an owl-order catalogue and I saw in the kiddie's section a First Potions Kit complete with plastic vials and ingredients, pretend poisons and a small cauldron. Attached to it a note from yours truly telling him to practice a little more.

From my brother I got another Quidditch charm to add to my charm bracelet he bought me for my birthday in June. It's so cute, he got me a moving charm of Victor Krum the legendary Bulgarian seeker! I'm going to slap him first for leaving me in my hours of need last night then plant a big wet sisterly kiss on his cheek for my present. Hopefully he will be coming to my aunt's Crimbo dinner so I won't be bored or cornered under the mistletoe by the gruesome stiffs that will attend also.

And saving the best till last, I received a card with a ticket to a fine restaurant in London from Marcus!

YES YES YES!

My charms have not completely gone down the drain! I'm still Rolanda Hooch, sexist Quidditch Queen of England! WOOT! I wrote a letter to Marcus immediately after opening it telling him that I would accept his invitation to London's classiest restaurant. Oh gosh that means I need to go shopping for a new dress. Mine are still from last year, as I have had no dates that required going to a ball or smart-wear dinner parties.

That is pathetic.

Still, I HAVE A DATE WITH A SEX GOD!

Oh ye...

Oops, just fell over the chair...

**Later on...**

Upon arriving at my aunts house I was instantly dragged in and scolded for not sending my reply to my aunts' invitation to the New Year's celebration that she would be holding. I have already had to attend the Crimbo dinner and dance, I shall not be roped into another ghastly and boring party that involves the whole ministry and everyone to do with the Malfoys. I had the misfortune of meeting said family the year before last only to find out that I was actually related to the buggers.

As you can imagine, I was not pleased.

As I remember it (and very roughly at that as I recall that the room was swaying and the floor began to move, most probably to do with the previous alcohol consumption), Lucius Malfoy began rambling on about my successes and failures in the league...favorite Quidditch player...blah blah...the weather...lalalalalala... family...lala – la?

"Family?" I replied thickly as my dream world came crashing down to earth.

"Yes, we are related. Your uncles sister married my cousin Rufus, has your aunt never told you?"

I smiled weakly.

"No, she has not. It must have slipped her mind,"

My aunt has very cunning ways of letting things accidentally slip that I never knew about the family tree. She has always been a vindictive old bat ever since my parents died when I was four. Even my uncle, whom which I never really saw except for meal times was a miserable sod. Perhaps that's what happens when a 'proper pureblood family' brings you up. They teach you to be polite and well mannered but by doing so, they will teach you the art of being stuck up you're own backside and make you think that everyone is lower than you are.

Ugh.

The one thing I can thank my aunt for is the fact that she has kept my heritage a secret. While I pride myself on being a halfblood, it does actually help my career to be known as a pureblood. It amuses me sometimes when certain purebloods come up to me, namely Lucius Malfoy, Severus Snape, Bladock Yaxley, Deloris Umbridge and many more, decide to have a bitch and moan about the fairer wizards. What makes me laugh the most though is the fact that it is their fault, if they were not so proud and arrogant and valued the living relatives rather than the dead, they would actually find that they were the source of the problem.

Stupid gimps.

AHHHHHH! Snotty pureblood 2 o'clock!

**A few minutes later...**

Not snotty pureblood but sex god of Hogwarts Marcus George! I found out his surname through a good bit of earwigging, as my dear brother (whom I have neither found hide nor hair of yet) would say, from a bunch of rowdy gossipmongers. One practically squealed his name and began to fan herself stupidly as he approached me and then looked highly put out when he ignored her. My bitch mode kicked in and I smiled evilly at her as she shot curses through her glare.

"Good evening, I do believe we have not been properly introduced yet." he said with a charming smile. "As you already know, I am Marcus."

"Rolanda Hooch, pleased to meet you. Thank you for your invitation to The Minister's Ball restaurant in London. I was very pleased to receive it," I said with a flirtatious note in my voice. I saw his eyes light up and smile at me as he kissed my hand.

"Well, I saw it as a perfect opportunity to get to know you. I saw you a few weeks ago when you were teaching your best Quidditch players to fly and I thought you were magnificent." Marcus said, with a polite bow and offered me his arm. I smiled and took it as the feeling of happiness spread through me like I was just waking up from a deep sleep.

"Thank you," I managed to reply. He lead us into the great ballroom made of marble and crystal where we began the inevitable game of Chinese whispers.

"Would you care to dance with me?" he whispered into my ear. I felt myself smile and agree with him as he took us into the middle of the ballroom and began a slow waltz. I took in the images and treasured them as we began to flow freely across the marble. My eyes never left his dark brown ones. I really wanted to touch his sharp features that stood out, his firm jaw line that lead up to his chocolate brown hair. Before I knew it the dance was over and I was pulled away from Marcus by an ugly, hairy old man who looked like his birthday had come early. It distorted my earlier visions of dancing all night with my newly found "prince charming" for lack of better words to describe him. Marcus was now dancing with the brunette I had smiled evilly at earlier and I felt my happiness disappear as quickly as it came.

**Hour or so later...**

"And switch!"

That was all I have done for the past hour or so. Being passed from man to man the story of my life really. Everytime I tried to dance with Marcus he was dragged away by another airhead and that left me to dance and be kissed by those miserable men that I was so keen to escape from.

Oh perfect.

Here come the Malfoys.

The perfect end to a crappy night.

And they have bought Severus Snape.

Even better.

Looks like I shall be trying to find an adequate hidey-hole for the next few hours if I plan to survive.

And a bottle cognac.

Hmm, the basement seems like the perfect place for a hideout.

Or perhaps the tree house...

Decisions, decisions...

**9:24p.m, (In the basement.)**

Turns out the tree house is already occupied by my uncle and his new maid. Now I know why he sacks them all; he gets bored of them and finds someone new. Maybe he should find a new gardener if he wants a different change of scenery. But then I suppose that means doing gardening and uncle Silas hates work that he doesn't have to do.

I wonder what took him so long?

The next thing I will find is that my aunt will be shagging the cook or something. Ack! Did not need that mental image.

On the plus side to the situation, I have finally found my brother Griffith and a nice bottle of cognac. I was so pleased to see him I jumped on him, pushed him over and now he has a huge rip in his trousers. Unfortunately, long ago, my aunt learnt to take possession of our wands so we could not disapperate or bewitch the musical instruments to play hardcore rock so we cannot repair them. By request of future balls and what not, she asked people to give them their wands so that we could not take them and have fun with them too.

Miserable bat.

Ack! Hide!

Please review! opinions are most welcome!


	3. The Great Escape

Disclaimer: Bless the genius that is JK Rowling.Without her, none of this would have been created. So no,I don't own anything. Amen.

A/N: I'll have to appologise forgetting this out solate! What with one thing or another, I have only really had time to sit down and write this half term. I hope I don't disappointyou!And thanks to foci for trying to motivate me in to writing this, lol. I fearI might have given up lol.

But anyway, special thanks go out to my beta-reader, gahhMinerva! She rocks!

Chapter 3

The Great Escape

**December 26th, 3.07am **

_I am currently still in hiding but not in the basement as my stupid aunt almost caught us. We have now shifted to the old coal mine shaft that me and Griffith used to play in as kids until uncle Silas caught us and gave us a real good hexing for. Griff still has the scars on his back. On the plus side, a few more people looking for a means of escape followed us and they bought lots of alcopops, whiskey and Honeydukes chocolate with them - Enough for us to make it through the night. _

I have found my old books that I received from my mother and father!

YAAAAAAAAAY!

For the past three or four hours (No idea really) we have sat here with Gerome Linkon the Head of the Department of Magical Mysteries (they try solving unusual occurrences in magic), which is a load of nonsense as basically, it is theories of why muggles created certain technologies and what happens when they stick such and such in space. All the really boring stuff that no one cares about. But anyway he seems a nice enough chap. There is Julius Goldburn he is a top-notch lawyer, rather stiff and boring but good to know if ever I need a lawyer. Abigail Shore a well-known freelance healer who runs her own private business, she usually works for all the pureblood families and gets paid a hell of a lot to look at a miniature cut and stick a plaster on it.

We have had a couple of close calls where my uncle or some other random guest member has been caught sneaking off by my aunt so we are sitting with a candle in a jar, just so we can make out who is who. It has been rather amusing to watch a few of the relationships form and crumble through a nice crack in the door. It was especially amusing when we saw Imelda Smitherson slap Lucius Malfoy in the face when he tried to seduce her in the bushes. Unfortunately for him, the 'behind the bushes' section of the garden happened to be in front of the old coalmine shaft. Luckily for us, we managed to get full view of the whole affair and will spread the good word later when we escape this tedious party. I'm quite sure the staff will want to know the details of the escapades of their previous school governor. It has proved to be entertaining for us so I don't see why we should not spread the gossip. Lucius would only do the same for us.

In other amusing events we also witnessed, Crabbe/Goyle (I can't tell which one is which, they're both fat, ugly and mean) got absolutely drunk, stripped off with the help of his pureblood "friends" and went skinny-dipping around the garden. As far as we can tell, he passed out in the bushes while all his "friends" went to draw, charm certain body parts and cover the man in glitter. We almost wet ourselves with fear when said person came bounding towards the mine entrance (mainly because we did not want to see THAT much of what we did see) at such a speed we thought he was going to crash.

Luck was on our side tonight.

That's all I shall say in the matter.

It was traumatic enough as it was.

Another amusing event, either Lucius or Maximus Yaxley charmed one of the cherub statues in the garden to follow Severus around. It was highly amusing as it kept pinching his bum and making suggestive comments. Severus's lack of female interaction has sent rumours around the circles over the years as to whether he was gay. It was most funny when they thrust every female they could to see whether he would take her out or sneer at her in his customed fashion. I almost felt sorry for him at one point.

Almost being the key word.

**5: 46 am, a random bedroom somewhere...**

Me and the rest of my fellow escapees were finally caught in the wee hours of Boxing Day. And what luck did we find ourselves but a good thrashing and ear bashing – wow, it rhymes – by my aunt which has boosted our headaches up to factor 8 (10 is the highest fecking headache ever) because she forced sobering potions down our necks. And, being the drunkards that he were, we took the friggin thing and the whole nightmare came crashing down to earth ten times worse.

I am currently scribbling this last update between some idiot I don't know and Abigail. It's like a Rolanda sandwich and I can't sleep coz that idiot is snoring louder than mount er...St Mary exploded.

Oh hell I'm going down stairs.

Maybe I can find a way out?

**7: 09 am, Hogwarts, The Great hall, Breakfast.**

_(Or a good cup of – no pot of – coffee in my case.) Albus is too damn cheerful this time of the morning. And If I get one more niff of those blasted sherbet lemons I am going to bang my head on the table. Actually, no that would make my head worse…_

Ahh home sweet home.

Coffeeeee…

I managed to get home just fine, with the help of Severus…

…I tried to go back home to Hogwarts but the stupid floo system is protected by a password. Bah, humbug! I caught Severus trying to escape from the place... Whatever it's called...hell? And I threatened to snitch (heh snitch…ahem) on him if he didn't help me escape too! A stroke of Gryffindor genius in me. The look of horror on his face as I caught him trying to leg it out the downstairs bathroom window was priceless. I think he was still rather drunk as he forgot to lock the door before he climbed out the window. I laughed a good five minutes at the sight he presented before me of him with one leg out of the window and one leg on the toilet top. Had I not found the whole situation funny, I would have run for my life as he looked murderous.

Still, I helped him out the window and in to the bushes bellow. He then helped me out and the great escape began…

We rolled out of the bushes and in to the 'forbidden' path, which past boyfriends from the little village about half a mile up the road used to sneak up at night. Due to the terrible headache I was suffering from, I accidentally forgot to tell Severus about the gnome traps my uncle had set and he went flying at least six foot in front of me. I fought very hard not to laugh again and dodged the trap to where Severus was lying on his back with an irritated expression.

"I suppose you thought it would be funny not to tell me about those useless traps?" he sneered as he sat up. His arm was bleeding from where he had landed on one of the many dangerous plants my uncle loves (my uncle loves crossbreeding vile plants and used to test them on the village boys that used to creep up to the mansion.) They are not that deadly if you know the antidote to the poison they insert in to the wounds and luckily for him, I knew them. (From years of experience, of course. Oh and my medical training. I had to take a course in medical training in order to get on to the Quidditch team. My aunt actually thought I was going in to a sensible career…heh AS IF! But I'm digressing…) As usual though, when I offer my help in the matter he dismisses me or snaps at me. So I told him to stop being a chicken and suck it up. Had it not been for a rather loud noise for my aunt's house he would have objected, but he knew better.

Or he was too drunk to be really bothered about it.

And we were off again, ducking and diving, over and under through numerous traps, which either my aunt or uncle had put in place over the years. This time Severus was not so courteous and let me lead the way through the matrix of the front garden until we reached a field.

"Oh bugger she still has my wand!" I exclaimed as we climbed through the bushes where rabbits or foxes had been kind enough to leave a hole.

"She still has mine too. Just use a spare," Severus waved the matter off and followed through. Climbing through another hole in the bushes, we came to a dirt road, which had not been used for decades, and skirted along the outside careful enough to keep ourselves hidden behind the shrubbery.

"Where can we apparate from?" Severus said to me as we ran, bent over down the hill to the little village of Bree.

"You can apparate without a wand?" I answered incredulously.

"Yes, how else do you think we were going to escape?" Severus bit back with impatience.

"By Floo, actually. I have an old friend in the village that would let us use it," I replied, trying hard to keep myself from sounding smug. Severus just sorted as we approached the first building and stood up.

"By all means, lead the way," he sneered and gestured to lead the way. Fixing my best smug smile I strutted off along the row of terraced houses until I came to a green door and knocked smartly.

Luckily, Jim was home. Being a squib and all, he had most things in his house that muggles would think strange, like a proper singing kettle, which muggles use in camping sites that tend to whistle. I once charmed it as a joke to sing some muggle song, which was playing on the radio at the time and now every time he puts the kettle on, it sings '_The Foundations - Build Me Up Buttercup'_. But anyway the point is, Jim stocks a lot of floo powder as his relatives come to stay more than often. When I was younger, I used to escape through the route myself and Severus took, and Jim would let me pass through free of charge.

He's such a lovely old man.

I always send him a Crimbo card and prezzie.

And this particular time, I gave him a big kiss on the cheek for letting us through. Severus was less courteous about the whole thing and just sneered at him.

The insensitive bastard.

The last time I help him. Or next time we'll just escape HIS way. I'll bet it was because my way of getting out of there was much better than his.

One - nil to the Quidditch Queen of England!

Well I suppose I had better go and hang my head over the toilet and crawl in to bed for the rest of the day. Filius Flitwick and Pomona Sprout keep staring at me and giving me weird looks. It gives me the heebie-jeebies.

Now Minerva's doing it. And…

Oh sod it, I'm going…

What do you think? Please review!


	4. Staff Encounters

**Disclaimer: I own...NOTHING! Well, except for 6 books and 2 sountracks...**

**A/N: Yay! I'm Back! ...No don't run off. I thought it was about time that I updated this fic! Thank you to all my reviewers! You all rock! I hope you enjoy this chapter!**

**And special thanks goes out to gahhMinerva!**

**December 27th, My quarters, Hogwarts**

_Headache and nausea… GONE! Old professors and weird looks… GONE! Albus and Lemon Drops… GONE! Severus and terrible grumpy-git-mood… BACK WITH FULL FORCE! _

Thank Merlin that breakfast has ended. I swear, if looks could kill, the whole staff would be a pile of dust. Especially Dumbledore as he bought up the whole 'Great Escape' and, not to mention, the events of the party. Damn him.

I think myself, Marcus, and Severus would make a pretty good team of hit glarer's. Forget the Unforgivables, one look, and you're dead.

Perhaps I should advertise it in _The Daily Prophet_.

Who needs Death Eaters, when you can have your very own hit-glarer, the best thing since hit men!

That could be our slogan.

We could become the next evil cult.

Sod the Dark Lord.

We can show those snotty 'pureblood' bastards who they really are.

You get the picture.

**2:45 pm, My quarters, Hogwarts (again)**

Do do dum ooooohohho uuhhoo the sweetest thing…. Stupid song!

I paid Jim a visit to thank him again and to catch up on what he has been doing since the beginning of December. Such a cool guy. He waved it off with one of his usual comic smiles and hugged me. We generally had a good gossip, wandered about the little village, and went for a good mug of butterbeer in The Jolly Warlock. I have to point out the rather cheeky young man who walked past and told me I was 'hot as'… hot as what I wonder?

Anyway…

GO ME.

I still have the touch.

(Flicks back hair to wipe a speck of dust off the shoulder)

Anyway, I was talking with Jim and he said the weirdest thing to me. According to him, Severus and I make a good couple.

"If we were in a duelling contest, Jim," I replied, my scepticism reaching new heights of, well... scepticism.

"No, no, you would make a really good couple," he insisted with a more than hopeful smile.

Whatever.

I have a date with Marcus George on New Year's Eve.

ONLY FOUR DAYS TO GO!

Snape and Me? No, just... no, just... not really, no.

Silly old coot. I told him he was getting a bit delusional in his old age. He cuffed me round the head as if I was a naughty girl. So I poked him in the side and he spat his butterbeer of the table. I was in the middle of a full-blown cackle of mad laughter when he made my Butterbeer explode in my face.

I was not amused.

I was, however, amused by his attempts to apologise after his insane bout of laughter and try to buy me another drink and a lollypop.

The only things in the whole world that will keep me quiet or from sulking would be lollypops of all flavours, shapes, and sizes. It was after this I decided to forgive him, and, we decided to depart after that.

**5: 45 pm, My quarters, Hogwarts (Yet again)**

Decided to pay the staffroom a visit since I had two hours to kill, and I realised why I so often avoided that place, THE EMBARRASSMENT! As soon as I walked into the dreaded place, the nightmare began to unfold as I was asked random questions from several female members of staff.

"What would you do if Marcus George was caught walking around Hogwarts at night with nothing but a towel on?" asked Poppy Pomfrey, with a very sly grin, I might add.

Me, personally, I would greet it as my proper Christmas present. I suddenly started receiving weird looks as I had taken too long and decided to tell them what I would do to any male if they walked past me in a towel.

"I'd wolf-whistle, watch the reaction, then laugh at the outcome of said reaction," I said with a smirk.

"Is that how you go through so many guys?" Auriga Sinistra asked mockingly, and snorted.

B..I..T..C..H

Ugh. I wish I had stayed in my room. I wanted to bang my head against the wall but decided against it as I have already spent too many days nursing a bad headache. Instead I decided to grab the next best thing; a good strong black coffee with half a bag of sugar in it. Well, not half, but it was a close thing as I was really starting to get pissed off with all the stupid questions about my love life coming up. I did not notice until Filius Flitwick poked me to get my attention.

"Do you really need all that sugar?" he said as I stopped halfway to the cup with another full teaspoon of sugar.

"In this room, I would need a whole bag of sugar. And that's before I step through the door, Filius."

"Not if Albus has his way. I swear he has been stealing from the staffroom to stock up his own supplies."

Actually, yes, that is exactly what he has been doing, the sneaky old coot. I caught him when I was on duty one night and thought that while he was doing it; I might as well too. What can I say? You have to make the best of every situation you find yourself in.

"So, Rolanda, got yourself a boyfriend yet?"

The dreaded question.

The whole staffroom stopped dead and looked in my direction as if I had uttered something completely ridiculous like 'I often run naked around the lake with a tea cosy on my head because it gives me a sense of freedom.' The old fools were looking at me with dread because I might have picked someone with more taste than they have, and the many hens of Hogwarts were staring expectantly, as if I were to announce I was dating someone as scandalous as the Minister of Magic.

"Actually, I shall be going out on Christmas Eve with Marcus George," I replied with satisfaction, as the staffroom gaped at me. I felt the need to milk it for all it was worth so I added, "To London's classiest restaurant, The Minister's Ball."

Silence.

Never before had I heard the staffroom this silent, especially with the Hogwarts Earwigging Team occupying the room. Even Severus was staring at me. It was unheard of. But I didn't stay to chat as I thought that this would the perfect time to make a classic dramatic entrance.

So I sauntered out of the staffroom, head up high with my best smirk in place.

Oh yes.

One up to the Quidditch Queen of England.

I think, all in all, it wasn't such a bad visit after all.

Maybe after this date, I shall make another appearance in the staffroom to gloat a little more and make them envious.

For the first time in my new life at Hogwarts, I am noticed in a good way. And I shall be spoken about in a good way too.

Oh, look. Time for tea. I can rub a little salt into the wounds, and perhaps, Marcus might like to help me to get them back at breakfast.

**What do you think? Just pop the little button down there and let me know! You never know, I may even update by the end of theyear, lol. **


	5. Snape Encounters

Disclaimer: Not mine, never will be, so...no.

A/N: Yay, I'm back! Thank you to the reviewers! Don't forget to review again!

And big thanks to gahhMinervafor her excellent beta-reading skills!

**31st December, 6pm, my quarters**

_Several laps around the pitch, followed by several laps in the staff swimming pool on the second floor. In tip-top shape for my date with Hogwarts resident sex-god, Marcus. No one, not even one of Trelawney's mad death-doom-gloom predictions can wipe the satisfied smirk off my face. _

Only two more hours to go! I have already showered, set out my stunning silk robes in a pearl colour, sorted through my make-up, picked out a lovely set of shoes, painted my nails and done twenty sit-ups to keep my stomach firm. Oh, yes, we're in business baby!

I haven't written in my diary for a while due to the lack of worthy events to talk about and I have spent more time with Jules Davis. He helped me pick out my stunning set of robes! If only he wasn't gay! I think I would marry him on the spot if he weren't. Never mind...

My dress. Well, apart from the fact it was made from the finest silk ever, it does look a little bit naughty. It hugs the figure and has an elegant floaty bottom half, the back of which just covers my bottom. The top half, however, consists of two bits of silk covering my boobs and does up at the top in an elegant knot while the rest of the material covers my back. Made by my personal designer, Jean-Claude Baptiste, a very old friend who I used to model for when I wasn't playing Quidditch in my younger days. But alas, that is the past. That part of my life finished with...

Never mind.

The point is, it will knock his, and every other male's socks off in the room. I have grown my hair so that it is now at least four inches long, just so I can flick it out sideways. I'm bored with the short old style and I am no longer not trying to make myself look unattractive. It didn't work. But hey, the thought was there. Maybe I should have asked Severus for tips...

Maybe that was a bit harsh. It's not his fault he's a miserable, uncouth grouch. And I really must give his wand back to him. I received all of the wands for the members of staff who went to the disastrous Crimbo party. I think my aunt gave up in the end. I have to give myself and Severus props for doing what nobody else seemed capable of doing. Well, at least I can wish him a happy new year properly instead of grumbling at him like I usually do. I think I will do that before I meet Marcus in the Entrance Hall. Yes, I am in a happy mood.

**7:20pm, Severus's quarters. **

(No, that is correct.)

Yes, indeed I am in Severus's quarters with a glass of wine in one hand, sitting on his black velvet couch. Who would have thought? Severus has just gone through to the study with his wand. He seemed rather pleased to have his wand back as I think he said he was using his mothers' old wand. Oh, I wish I had brought a camera with me so I could take a picture of his expression when he opened the door. His face was a picture! Halfway between shocked and bewildered that I happened to be standing outside his door in a stunning dress, all beautified with make-up and perfume.

"Good evening, Severus." I purred, unable to keep the mischief-maker in me under control.

"Rolanda..." he said, gawking at me. "What can I do for you?"

Erm...wash and cut your hair, wear a different set of robes once in a while, SMILE, oh, and not to mention, leave the country.

"I have your wand," I said in a low voice, plucked it from my small handbag and then waved it in front of his face. One eyebrow arched, one hand stretched and Severus Snape gently removed his wand from my hand.

"Would you like to come in?" ... SHOCK! Well, a little poke into the life of a similar social recluse to myself can't hurt...

"Yes, I can spare fifteen minutes," I said with a naughty little smirk.

"Only fifteen?" he said silkily, and gestured towards a dark, shadowy circular room down the hallway.

"Yes, I have to meet Marcus at quarter to." (Even though that's half hour away, but fifteen seemed to be quite appropriate for the moment, don't you think?)

"Lucky you," he muttered sarcastically and walked over to a counter with many a choice of liquor and wine.

"That's what I thought," I replied with a mocking smile and received a sneer in return.

"Then you will know to be careful of him then?"

What's this? Severus turning into a caring person? What is the world coming to? I have to admit, though, I was curious as to why he said it, apart from the obvious malicious content.

With a knowing look, followed by the arch of his left eyebrow, Severus glanced at me with a cool expression.

"I shall not say anything," He said vaguely.

"Then why did you mention it?" I said feeling rather annoyed with the miserable bugger.

"To keep you wondering, to keep you on your guard," Severus said simply and handed me a glass of red elf-made wine.

"Why won't you tell me?"

"It would ruin your wonderful evening," Severus said with a slight curl of his upper lip, as if he doubted I would.

"Aren't you trying to do that already?" I replied with irritation evident in my voice. One day, I will get one over on him. I will ruin his evening and I shall enjoy it. Determined not to let his get to me, I lifted my head higher and gazed at him as if I found his advice tedious. However, I found his advice rather disturbing and made a mental note of it. He may be a miserable bugger, but he was usually correct with assumptions and suspicions, except when it came to my exceptional Quidditch star, Harry Potter.

"My work here is done," he said with a smirk. "Do sit down, I shall be back momentarily."

And he flew off, well, walked off, but his cloak made him look like he flew off into what I assumed to be the study. From the crack in the door, it looked as if he has his own secret library. Judging by the amount of titles I usually see him with every time we meet, I found myself not surprised by this. I shall resist the urge to go and have a look at the books. I wonder what literature he likes? Muggle or Wizard? Why am I even thinking about this?

Because I'm a Gryffindor...

In other words, nosy, stupid and...

**7:25pm, Entrance Hall, windowsill **

WHY THE HELL DOES HE HAVE TO SNEAK UP ON ME?

Impertinent S.O.B...

"Don't forget 'foolhardy'..." he muttered behind me.

Stupid bugger, I could have hexed his balls off and stapled them to the mantelpiece above the fire!

"Don't sneak up on me!" I said angrily, standing up and shoving my diary in my bag.

"Well don't write about me in your journal then," he said, the amusement evident in his eyes. "Oh, and I like both Wizarding and Muggle literature. And some Muggle poetry. I might let you borrow some of it if you are a good witch."

Patronising miserable bastard!

"If you are a good witch." HA.

And what really pissed me off was the smug expression he wore. If only I could play darts... I could add Snape to the list of worthy dart-throwing people to aim at.

**7:41 pm, Entrance Hall, windowsill**

I wonder what sort of poetry he does like though... Robert Frost? Keats?

**Please review and let me know what you think! Go on...you know you want to!**


	6. Happy New Year? Or not

**Disclaimer: Look at previous chapters...**

**A/N: Yes, I am still alive. I think. I appologise to anyone that reads this fic who also reads Consequences. I am suffering from writers block on that one at the moment. But I shall certainly keep it going, I have NOT abandoned it. I would have had this chapter posted a while agobut it took a while to be beta read, lol. The next chapter will not be delayed anymore than a couple of weeks. Anyway, Thank you to everyone who has reviewed so far! You all ROCK!**

**And big thanks to gahhMinerva! Read her stories, they rock!**

**1st of January, 1994. My quarters, Hogwarts, 11:26am**

_A very happy flight instructor… did several laps around the Quidditch pitch before returning to my quarters to find a sex-god sprawled over my bedsheets. Naked. _

GO ME! I STILL HAVE THE TOUCH!

HAPPY NEW YEAR, HOGWARTS!

Now, that's what I call a fantastic start to the New Year. I must remember to buy Jules a prezzie for picking out the best dress!

The Minister's Ball restaurant was divine! A lot of important people there still remember me, unfortunately. While I strive to be the best, the publicity side of the attention makes me want to bang my head against the wall. I do not take kindly to the media. However, I still dedicate my actions towards the fans. It seems that Marcus and I made the front page; "A FANTASTIC COMEBACK FOR BRITIAN'S BEST QUIDDITCH PLAYER!" With a snapshot of us, arm in arm, walking towards the restaurant. Rita Skeeter wrote the rest of the garbage. I had great pleasure in reducing that to dust for a few minutes while the fire did its stuff.

The dinner itself was top notch. Marcus ordered for the both of us: cream of watercress soup, lamb with mint sauce, potatoes, and carrots, and for dessert, a mint mountain. We both shared the dessert, as it was so big. Ice cream, with chocolate buttons mixed in, chocolate sauce, more mint ice cream, sprinkles and fresh whipped cream on the top. All in all, an orgasm in an ice cream bowl. All accompanied by the best white wine available. After dinner, we both took to the dance floor, where I actually got to dance with him this time! It was amazing.

We danced the Tango, Salsa, and even had a go at the modernised version of the Can-can. I managed to get my legs up to my shoulders, being athletic, but Marcus only got his to just about knee length. I have to say that he was impressed, especially after as we apparated to Hogsmeade Station and walked up to my quarters. In fact he was more impressed after…. (Insert predatory, but cheesy grin here.)

On the way back I was reminded of what Severus said, "Then you will know to be careful of him then?"

Marcus said something rather odd. I mean perhaps it was me, but I swear, no one looks and sounds so calm and content when one of the greatest murder trials of the age has just been dismissed.

Over a period of about 5 to 7 years, there has been a group of wizards who decidedly select witches with good reputations, lots of money, pureblood etc, They take them, woo them, and then these women end up on the end of silent deaths or horrific demoralising "accidents" which destroy their credibility. Very few men have ever been caught, while the rest still live on and plot until the uproar dies down. If I was one of the intended (I have two vaults full of gold from my quidditch days, a reputation with high respect as I was the first successful woman to make it on to the England Quidditch team), how would I know who would be out to get me?

Mind you, for all I know Severus just might swoop down on me and suck my blood before anyone gets to me. Or Filch will try something with his medieval torture devices, like he keeps promising me, especially if I, or one of my Quidditch teams, trample mud over his preciously clean floors. Perhaps I can direct his attention to the vulture-like librarian, whom he seems to have taken a fancy to...

Oooh, bad mental image...

Filch and Pince with medieval torture devices...

Yeah, moving on...

Ugh. I really do hate Severus. He is making me as paranoid as he is. Or worse, he's turning me into a Moody. I saw Mad-eye the other day. He asked me how I was, if I was keeping my doors locked, wand at the ready… the usual jazz.

"CONSTANT VIGULANCE!" he growled as that magical eye whirled around and eyed me up and down. Sometimes I think he can see through my robes.

God, I am paranoid.

Oh well, at least, if he was, I was wearing a decent pair of underwear.

Ah, that's better. The optimistic Gryffindor has kicked in.

Mind you, I would say without a doubt the old pervert was staring at me. If he can see through walls, wood, and every other solid I can think of, then he must have.

Ugh. That's why he was staring at Minerva and Poppy…

NOOO! I did not need that bad mental image!

Speaking of the staff…

I wonder what they will say?

It's going to be an interesting day.

**11:33am, Same place...**

I feel my world come crashing down as I have received ANOTHER letter from my aunt. I don't know whether to laugh or cry. Apparently she wants to see me ALONE. This does not bode well. I am to meet her for afternoon tea at 3. Apparently she is also still very bitter about Severus and me being able to escape un-noticed from her hellhole mansion. On the bright side, she doesn't know how we did it...

That means the next party we shall be dragged to, we can escape again!

Ooh, sounds like Tarzan is stirring...

Yup, Marcus is waking up.

It's shower time!

**4:34pm, my quarters...**

Received the best lecture I have had since my aunt caught me and Robbie (One of many Muggle's) in mid-coitus against the Bongo tree. Appropriate name, don't you think? For some strange reason my deranged uncle Silas decided to try to breed a Bongo tree with the Devil's Snare. Why he ever thought that it would work I'll never know...

But anyway, the rant.

The ranting was so bad my aunt's dulcet tones reverberated off the living room walls and bounced around the house. I generally got the picture of what she was ranting about...something to do with being almost forty...hiding away last party...behaving like a thirteen-year-old...escaping last party with Severus...not telling her about Marcus...not filling her in about the date...

Well, that's most of it covered...

The rest was all jumbled up due to my attention span, the phlegm spraying all over the biscuits, and my temporary deafness. I managed to count the number of cracks in the ceiling and estimate the co-ordinates of said cracks within the room.

Total number of cracks: 13.

If you asked me to pin-point every crack on that ceiling I could probably give you a very detailed account of every crack, how long it is and I would even draw it in immaculate detail straight from the memory. These cracks and I know each other so well I might have well become part of the ceiling itself. It's like returning to see those long lost friends from another country that you very rarely spend time with anymore. Oh yes, we go back a long way...especially since I'm the one who probably caused half of them...

But yes, a good forty-five minute rant about all things bollocks and suddenly my aunt turned back into Dr. Jekyll. The spit-spraying puce-faced monster receded and it felt like the clouds were beginning to clear after a long storm.

"So, tell me how this date went then?" she smiled as if daring me not to tell her all of the juicy details.

"S' all right." I shrugged and she gave me a dark look.

"Its not 'S'all right', its 'It was all right'. Speak properly, Rolanda, honestly, anyone would have thought you were born into a group of filthy Muggles."

I refrained from saying my comeback. Actually, my mother was a Muggle. Have you forgotten that already? Oh, no. Of course you treat me like your own daughter, just as you treat Griffith as your own 'son'.

"Must have got that from my filthy muggle Mother." I commented darkly, the sarcasm deeply etched into every word, and my aunt looked at me approvingly.

"Good to see that you are using the proper terms for the lower people. Tea?"

I tried my best not glare at her but failed.

"No, thank you," I said as if I was a stroppy teenager. Short and snappy.

"I read the newspaper this morning. You did not look very happy on the front. All dressed up like a proper-bred pureblood and yet you forgot the key ingredient. Smile radiantly at the newspaper. We purebloods have to put on a show because that is what we are here for; an object of desire for our men and a child carrier."

Well you obviously failed in that department...Trust my aunt to pick out the bad bits of the newspaper...She should be a monkey in the next life, the amount of nit-picking she does over the most tedious things. My aunt knows I hate the media...

"I refuse to be a baby-making machine and a stay-at-home housewife. My man will have to take me the way I am," I replied stiffly, whacking up the glare-factor a few notches.

"Perhaps that is where you failed to secure a man then." my aunt replied tartly. "You act like a whore, then they will treat you like a whore."

"I am not a whore, I just refuse to let all the men have the fun. I see you don't call them whores, they who sleep with anything other than their wives unless they are heir-producing," I replied adamantly.

"It is not a woman's place to judge what men do. Without men we would be nothing," my aunt replied stiffly.

"Again I prove you wrong. I have coped very well with being un-married for the last thirty odd years."

"But you still yearn to be a wife..."

"The wife of a man who can love me. If Benton had not left me for some bimbo with big tits and long legs, I would be married by now. Or have you already forgotten?" I replied angrily, refusing to let the tears roll down my face in front of my aunt.

Now my aunt looked slightly abashed, but still adamant none the less.

"He was a bad apple, I'll grant you that. But there is plenty more fish in the sea, plenty more men who would take you as their wife. You are young, thin, and beautiful, Rolanda. You have so much more than most other wives could possibly dream of. Do not waste yourself on some good-for-nothing half-blood who fancies himself in love."

"I am not vain enough to believe that I am the most beautiful thing ever and that I would fit perfectly as the next piece of furniture in a cold, lonely mansion in the mountains," I replied coldly.

"We do not have much choice," my aunt sighed wistfully. "I have given you a lot more freedom than most pureblood families ever would. You can choose your husband, just do not pick a Mudblood or half-blood or worse, a Muggle. You have had your fun, far too much in fact. Now it is time to marry while you are in your element. Secure this Marcus, and we could be looking at a Christmas wedding."

"And what if he turns out to be a misogamist like the rest of them?" I asked haughtily, trying to resist from doing apparition on the spot.

"Then we will find you one for your fortieth birthday which you will brook no refusal in marrying."

No pressure then...

I made my excuses to get away from that awful conversation and came straight back here to let myself loose. I think I smashed my blue vase, tore up the Quidditch sheets and threw a few cushions in anger and frustration. It's just not fair. I broke down in tears until Severus stuck his ugly face in the fire to remind me of the New Year's staff meeting tomorrow.

Fantastic...

He saw me full of tears and bore the brunt of my anger as he tried to take the piss.

I won as I threw the rest of the leftover wine bottle at the fire. Hopefully I caught him and broke his nose.

Its day one of the New Year and its all ready sinking faster than the Titanic. I think I will stay in my rooms for dinner rather than let myself get picked on like a warthog surrounded by the staff-vultures. Or vampires, for that matter.

I wish I had not have thrown the rest of that wine away...

It was vintage stuff as well...

**6:48pm...yeah.**

Marcus just Flooed to see if I was all right and stuff and offered to sit and get pissed with me. I thanked him for the offer, her should be over in half hour.

Excellent.

I hope I stocked up my hangover potions...I'd hate to have to go to Severus to get him to brew me one for the staff meeting...

There should be a bottle of the old whisky in the cupboard. Maybe if I shook off the spiders, it might taste nice.

**8:23pm...blah blah blah same place...thinking**

Then again it might taste nice with the spiders in it. Might give it more flavour. I wonder what spiders taste like? I mean we eat spiders at night and they get chopped up into potions and stuff so it's not as if they are going to kill us. Or maybe they will. Rumour has it that Hagrid has aro..aram... BIG spiders... that will do... yeah, so maybe they will kill us? Knowing Hagrid he has a secret colony in the woods...

**Good? Bad? What does one think? One must review or one will get bashed lol **


	7. Wizopoly

**Disclaimer: All the usual jazz, I do not own a single thing except the plot, blah blah blah...etc**

**A/N: Yes, I know, I have been a lazy teenage layabout. My writing muses seemed to have deserted me over the summer when I had plenty of time but now when college returns...so does my muse. Typical. But anyway, I had fun writing this chapter so I hope you have fun reading it! Thanks to all my reviewers last time! **

**And thanks to gahhMinerva for her excellent beta-reading skills!**

**January 3rd, 12:32, Staff room...**

_Bored bored bored…you guessed it…a very bored flight instructor...I actually agreed to play Wizopoly with the old folks..._

Yep, that's right. Here I am, on the third day of the New Year, bored out of my head playing Wizopoly. The kids don't go back till the fifth, which is a Monday, and all of my teaching preparations are done. I've visited most friends, seen most family (unfortunately. I exclude my brother and his family from that 'unfortunately'), got bored with new Crimbo prezzies and I have a slight headache from reading my new book which Minerva demanded I read. Too much romance mush makes my head go funny. Most of the other staff finished their marking and lesson plans before Crimbo and visited family, blah blah blah, so they are bored too. One of the unfortunate side effects of a bored staff is that you get roped in to board games, cards, mindless chatter, get paired off with other males... the list is endless. Luckily for me, they chose Wizopoly. I have heard of a muggle game called Monopoly, which is similar. I got to go first to pick out my counter, so naturally, I chose the broomstick.

Minerva picked the wand...

Filius picked the boot portkey...

Pomona picked the wizard's hat...

Auriga picked the telescope...

Poppy picked the potion's flask...

Albus picked the spell book and was chosen to be the banker...

And lastly, Severus was forced to have the cauldron. It was rather amusing to see Minerva and Poppy threaten him with a full medical examination, and then force him into a chair. That seems to be the highlight of the morning. So far, Filius seems to be winning, as he has hold of The Hogwarts Express, The Hogsmeade Express, The London Express, and The Edinburgh Express. Albus is in second place, having only just bought The Ministry of Magic and Hogwarts, I'm in third place as I own the Bertie Bots factory, Quality Quidditch Supply's and The Three Broomsticks and Severus is begrudgingly in forth with Flourish and Blots, Elopes Owl Emporium and Borgin and Burkes. I whipped The Three Broomsticks from under his over-large beak of a nose when I picked up a chance card. Now he is trying to trade it with four galleons.

HA! As if!

Not a chance in hell, Batman!

As long as he does not take The Leaky Cauldron, I'm not both...

Bastard, with a capital B.

He has just taken it.

Ooh, that's WAR!

**1:02pm, staff room...**

We are still going; I am in the lead ahead of Severus. I managed to get The Wonky Warlock, ha ha...

(Rubs hands gleefully)

Minerva is losing pitifully... I just gained a get out of Azkaban card and fourteen sickles for landing on Bertie Bots...

I should have been a businesswoman...

Oh, and here comes another ten sickles and three knuts as Pomona has just landed on my Quality Quidditch Supplies...

I think I should up the bounty by sticking a new broomstick up for sale...

**1:38pm, same place...**

I knew I shouldn't have put that extra broomstick up for sale...I got a chance card that is now charging me 25 percent extra...

And I have just had to shed out a load of money to Albus the sneaky old coot...

Severus is just plain pissing me off now.

Earlier he tried to taunt me about Marcus and his unknown whereabouts, but I just kept my cool and brushed him off with excuses. Marcus has actually gone out of the country to visit his sister in France. Unfortunately he booked his ticket ages ago on the Knight Bus way before I even noticed him, and the bus is now full. I told him not to worry and to go anyway. It's not as if we have been dating for ages and he hasn't even met my darling brother yet. But anyway, Severus kept trying to say that it was another woman he was sneaking off to shag, not his sister. So naturally, I stuck my fingers in my ears and pretended to make a snoring noise, hoping he would get the picture. But no, he appears to be as dense as I thought for he is still blathering on about it, and is making snide comments even as I write.

"I can't believe you still write in that pathetic journal of yours. That's something I would expect of a fourth year." He eyed it with suspicion and disdain.

"I like to call it anger and stress management so that when you start growling and griping and being your usual bitchy self, I can switch off to write about you doing just that. Then later on I can look back for comic relief," I snapped back at him, which shut him up.

"You like to write about me in your journal?" he finally said with a sneer.

"Don't give yourself too much credit, I don't LIKE to write about you, I just do because you are a pain in the arse!"

"Rolanda? It's your turn," Poppy reminded me, and for once I was thankful to her for butting in. I rolled the dice and landed on the one everyone has been dying to land on for ages; The Chocolate Frog Factory. A collective groan resounded throughout the staffroom as the rest of my _dear_ colleagues slumped in defeat. Now it was a matter of who would be the first to drop out of the game, and by the looks of it, Minerva was a good candidate.

**3:00pm, Quidditch pitch...**

Surprisingly, Minerva seemed to pull through and it was Poppy who went first.

"I never liked this game anyway," Poppy said as she sighed in defeat, and went to make a cup of tea.

"Only because you lost." Severus commented with a satisfied smirk on his face.

"Maybe I ought to run you through an assault course of tests. Just because you're senior management does not mean you are higher up in the food chain." Poppy smiled serenely, as Severus sneered at her. "I still have the power to make you suffer more."

"Over my dead body."

"If only," I muttered and he shot a glare at me.

"At least I'm not pathetic enough to write in a diary..."

"You're just jealous because I was nifty enough to grab the pubs AND the Chocolate Factory."

"Hardly. It's only a stupid game," he replied with indifference.

"That wasn't the case an hour ago when I got hold of Gringotts," I said with a satisfied smirk, and deepened my voice to imitate him. " '_Oh, Rolanda, you useless, pathetic excuse of a witch, that was MY PUB!' _"

"Yes, well, you knew very well I wanted that pub, and you are a useless pathetic excuse for a witch. I was merely exhorting my frustration at you, not because of a board game," Severus replied silkily, and shifted around in his armchair to get comfy.

"My arse, you were. What bothers you the most? The fact that I'm winning the feud or the fact that I am a popular Ex-Quidditch player?"

"All of it with the exception of the fact that you are winning, because you are not. You are not as clever as you think you are and you are certainly not intelligent. I would die of shock should I ever find out that you have an inch of common sense." Severus eyed me with distaste. As he was in arm's length, I threw my cards at him, and slapped his face hard. I know it was hard because my hand is still stinging.

"That will do children, I will have no fighting in my staffroom," Albus cut in firmly, taking control of the situation. So I stormed out and came to take refuge in the Quidditch stands so I could rant about the BASTARD.

I feel much better now.

I keep re-playing that moment in my mind where I slapped him, taking gratification in the way his shocked face came into contact with my hand. It's well worth sitting out here in the snow-covered stands; not only can I cool off, but also I can take in the breathtaking view. I love the Quidditch pitch when it has a white glittering coat of snow. I shall repress the urge to act like a ten-year-old and fly down to the ground to make a snow fairy.

Or snowman.

Oh, Merlin, what does he want now?

**4:47pm, My Quarters...**

That has to be the weirdest hours of my life...

Not only did Severus Snape, supreme greasy-git slash bastard apologised, he actually bought me a flask of hot chocolate.

Although, I do suspect a meddling old witch (i.e. Minerva) and a sneaky old coot (i.e. Albus) were behind this. It was like I had stepped into another dimension where black was white and Severus was actually nice.

Definitely the work of Albus and Minerva…

I wonder what roasting he was given for it…

I shall ask Poppy or Minerva at dinner…

But anyway, I digress…

There he was striding up the teachers' Quidditch stand, with his usual bat-like cloak and dramatic flair, looking like a first year on his first detention: bloody miserable.

Not that he isn't miserable already, but that's not the point. The point is, that as soon as he opened his odious mouth, nice words like 'sorry' and 'apologise' and 'share' and 'hot chocolate' came tumbling out of his mouth. I sat there looking like one of those women from the cosmetic counters in Muggle department stores; constantly surprised. It took a whole two minutes for me to slowly shake my head and offer him a seat.

He walked stiffly to the seat. Now I look back that could have been from one of Poppy's assault-course-medical-examinations that she kept threatening him with…

Mwhahah.

Ahem.

Yes, Severus started the conversation on Quidditch, which seems to him like it's a safe ground to strike up a 'sorry' conversation. Apparently, he is a big fan of Quidditch, especially for his own house. Now that I see it, it's true as he always wears green whenever Slytherin are playing, and is constantly badgering me to give them extra practice. Oh, we talked about this and that, Trelawney's death-doom-gloom prediction of the month, Vector's ghastly new hat, the incompetence of the Ministry…

For a man who hardly ever gets out and hates to make small talk I'd say he did rather well…

Maybe he has learnt his lesson?

Nah.

When the students come back it will be business as usual…

Ooh, dinner time…

Na na na na na na na na Batman!

Couldn't resist…

**7.45pm, My Quarters again…**

Well, dinner was a little more interesting than normal due to the fact that I found out what Albus and Minerva threatened Severus with if he did not apologise to me;

Dungeons painted in Gryffindor colours,

Electric blue hair,

Over-large genitals,

Poppy's special 'treatment'

And, a letter of probation.

Apparently the other staff were just as pissed off with him as I was, and decided to have fun by threatening him with a few colourful arrangements. For now he has been a sort-of-perfect-gentleman to all the female staff and even engaged in some small talk.

I have filled Marcus in on the high action and gossip of the day as he got back just under an hour ago. He laughed himself silly at Severus, which greatly improved my mood even further, and is now talking about some other action he would like to engage in…towards the bedroom…in the bathroom…by the fire…on the Quidditch pitch…

Something to do with flying…

**7:51pm, yeah…**

Oh, and apparently Filch not only likes Pince, but Sprout also…

ICK ICK ICK…

**Like it? Hate it? Love it? You know the deal...Review!**

**AN 2: I am going to try and work on Consequences now. I am so sorry for the very long wait, I just did not know where I wanted the story to go and how I wanted to write it. I didn't want to disappoint!**


	8. Innoculation Time!

**Disclaimer: Nope. Not mine. Just borrowing. **

**A/N: Yes, an update. This chapter is un-beta-read as my beta-reader is rather busy of late so any mistakes pointed out would be great. I meant to post this chapter over a month ago so I appologise for its lateness (ducks as cutlery comes flying). For all of you who reviewed, give yourselves a big pat on the back and a cookie. You all rock!**

**Bex**

**January 5th, 12:03, Quidditch pitch, my office...**

_54 mad laps around the Quidditch pitch, several head bashings on my desk and a good swig of the old Firewhisky left over from Christmas..._

I love my job.

No, really, I love my job.

Don't get me wrong, I do love my job.

EXCEPT WHEN INEPT BLOODY STUDENTS DECIDE THAT MY EXPERTISE IS NOT GOOD ENOUGH FOR THEM SO THEY HAVE TO TRY THE MOST DANGEROUS STUNTS IN QUIDDITCH!!

The first day back and already the first years have naively decided to do gymnastics at fifty foot in the air when i'm not looking. Honestly, I wish I could hex Cormac Mclaggen, the pompous, half-witted Gryffindor. Even the Weasley twins are not half as stupid to do that! 70 points from Gryffindor, a broken arm, (for McLaggen) and an almost heart attack later (for me), I yelled myself hoarse at him and his stupid stunt then sent him to the hospital wing with a few of his groupies as I was in no generous mood to take him. Honestly, if my hair were not silver, today he would have added a few more grey hairs. It's a good job I have been gifted to silver hair, not grey. Along with the hawk-yellow eyes, it's a Hooch family trait; most of my ancestors have it. Griffith has silver hair too.

Poppy delivered some more fantastic news today: Wizard Flu inoculations and Dragon Pox update for ALL staff shall be ready by this evening.

Oh, goodie!

I remember when I started here the year before last. Last Christmas was hell. So many staff came up with a variation of colourful reasons why they could not run through Poppy's battery of tests. There were at least five inoculations last year as well as the new-found vaccine for Kneazle version of mumps found in humans. I have to admit though, it was rather amusing to see Poppy try to inject a hissing and spitting Minerva McGonagall in cat form. She almost lost her fur as the needle went in at the wrong end (yes, that's right, it nearly went up her bottom!) I have never laughed so hard in my life when it nearly happened, even though I was the one holding her down and getting clawed. Even Poppy was in tears by the end. (Of laughter, of course.)

Filius had charmed his office to beware of Poppy, much like a scent dog, the charm could smell her from a good distance so he could retreat to his quarters or jump out the window. His classroom was only on the second floor and he had a rather soft landing, as that was were the compost heap was being kept that year. I remember because not only did he keep whining about it to Hagrid, but also every time he did jump out of the window he smelt like rotten eggs. That gave the hens of the staffroom something to gab about other than their various boring social lives.

But yes, this year should be amusing to say the least.

I expect full tantrums, hexes, flying phlegm, numerous escape attempts, tears, and that's only just from Severus. Last year was so funny. He had a public brawl with Poppy about the issue in the great hall and ended up starting a food fight. Albus gave him an excellent bollocking for that and not only made him clean the mess up in the great hall, but also the students who were caked in food of various forms. I don't think he actually got much sleep that night as he finished his cleaning at about eleven, had to patrol the halls until two, then finish off his report of potions which had to be in the next morning.

I laughed myself silly at him. He was an asshole when I first started. Not a lot has changed really...

It felt like sweet, blissful revenge.

Ahh, that's much better. I'm smiling now.

Ooh, shit, it's Albus!

Must hide the alcohol!

**Quidditch Pitch, 13:05pm...**

I never got time to hide the whisky. Instead the sneaky old coot sauntered in with a plate full of delicious hot cheese and bacon sandwiches, and parked himself at my desk.

"Oh, yes, please. Make it a double." he winked, and placed the silver platter between us. "I saw you flying about the pitch like a mad woman and decided to force my company upon you. A trying first day?"

"Well, put it this way, a student nearly ended up covering the Quidditch Pitch with himself." I replied with a small smile, and handed Albus a clean glass of Firewhisky. "So why force yourself upon me? Why not Minerva?"

"Ah, Minerva is in a Head of house meeting at the moment. I am doing my best to make myself scarce as Cornelius wants a chat about the Quidditch World Cup that's to happen in four years." Albus replied, picking out a sandwich.

"What about the Quidditch World Cup?" My ears perked up a bit at the sound of that. It has been ages since the World Cup came to England.

"Well, as you shall be ecstatic to hear, the British Isles has been selected to host the next Quidditch World Cup." Albus announced and grinned as my face lit up like the Notting Hill Christmas lights show.

"Oh, Albus that is fantastic! I never thought I would get to see it in my lifetime! That's wonderful news!" I jigged about happily on my seat.

"All the top Ministry officials are in great discussion over it. There has to be room for at least one hundred thousand people in the stands, several of which shall be going to the Hogwarts staff." Albus said in amusement as I began my celebratory dance.

"So why are you trying to avoid Fudge?" I said finally, and sat back down to eat a particularly delicious sandwich.

"I think it is only a rouse to grill me on other matters as I have not answered his letters of late. So like the busy Headmaster I am I have sent him on a wild goose chase after me." Albus cheerfully replied, and helped himself to another sandwich. "How are you and Severus getting along?"

I almost choked on my sandwich at the way my boss ever so casually dropped the last line into the conversation.

"Well, I think Mount. Kracatoa was far safer when it exploded," I said in sarcasm as Albus just chuckled in amusement. "Mmm, I think that is about the right assessment for our 'situation'."

"What even after his apology?"

"It was a forced apology, Albus. Now it's business as usual. Anyway, why do you ask?"

"I just wondered if my little talk with him was being taken to heart. I think I know why he is constantly on to you though."

"Why?"

"Ahh, that you shall have to find out for yourself."

"You can't just leave me with an answer like that! You know I will brood over it!"

"I can. Just watch me."

"You are most annoying. I never know why Minerva puts up with you,"

"No, I cannot say that I possess that knowledge either."

Damn that constant twinkle. I try to stare him out but I remember that his is a Legimens so that's probably not the best idea.

"I give in."

"It's probably for the best."

"You are so infuriating!"

"Then I have hit my target," he said with a mischievous grin.

Silly old coot.

"Well, must be off. Lunch is over, and I feel the need to visit my brother in Hogsmeade. Thank you for your whisky and company." Albus said, standing with the ease of someone half his age, and took my hand to bestow a kiss on it.

"You are going to have to do more than that to get back in my good books," I said suspiciously, as he grinned at me.

"Alas, my unwavering admiration can be quite overwhelming at times. I shall send a more worthy opponent, say Severus, and hope that he will win you over for my sake."

"When the giant squid learns to fly." I said sweetly as the old coot waved himself out the door.

"With your expertise, I'm sure he will."

"Flattery will get you no where."

"I think you established that when you opposed to my gentleman-like manners."

"Oh, shoo!" I said in half amusement and annoyance. And with a last laugh, Albus disappeared off to the pub, to visit his brother.

It's not fair. He gets to go to the pub while the rest of us have to slog away and drown our misery whatever hidden treasures we could hide at Crimbo.

Oh well.

At least he did not yell at me for having a lunchtime drink.

Proberly because he knew I would turn him over to the Minister if he did.

MWHAHAHAHA...

Ahem.

**7:30pm, Hospital wing...**

No, I'm not injured.

Well, not yet at least.

For every other member of staff…

IT'S INJECTION TIME!!!

Poor sods, I do slightly pity them though...

But only slightly...

I can't wait until Severus walks in for his...

I hope I get him...

That way I can MAKE him drop his trousers, bend over and thrust the injection up his...

**7:57pm ...yeah...**

I just had to tie Filius up, gag him, remove his wand, and then remove MY wand from his buttocks.

Yes, that's right, BUTTOCKS!

My poor wand...

It was the only way I could get him, sit him down, and make him shut up.

Honestly.

It's a good job the Ministry gave us permission to use any means to capture the poor victims. I think I would be sent to Azkaban otherwise.

But anyway, the point is, the first one is done.

Next on my list of victims: Pomona Sprout.

This should be great revenge for trying to set the up Bat of the Dungeons and myself at the Crimbo do…

**8:39pm...**

Getting to greenhouse three was the easy part. But getting in and past all the death-defying plants was another matter. Pomona had situated herself right up the other end of the greenhouse with a pot of tea, a deck chair, food supplies to last a few days and a spare set of robes. I had to fight my way past the venomous Tentaculur, past the screeching Mandrakes, past the man-eating fire-plant-thing, under the deadly singing flowerpikes and over the Devils Snare. And that was just the beginning. It took me a good half-hour to get there using my expert range of spells and trick to get past the specimens without killing them (Otherwise I suspect Pomona would kill me on the spot). Just to get to a stubborn old witch sipping tea overlooking the situation with relish and amusement. Once I got through relatively unscathed Pomona surrendered and offered me a cup of tea.

The cheek of it.

And she thinks I don't know what she put in that pot (from the smell, I deduced that it was a stewed weed) to get me stoned.

No chance.

I am a child of the sixties, I know what it smells, looks and tastes like. (The latter purely accidental, of course)

So I let her pour me a cup of "tea", under the impression that I was misguided to believe it was indeed what she said it was. I pretended to absently take a sip. I even forced a gulp of phlegm down to make it look authentic.

We had a quick chat about the weather and then I proceeded to take out my injection and reveal that I knew it was weed in the pot.

With a resigned look on her face, Pomona let me do the business and let me be on my way again.

I WIN.

2 down, another few to go...

NEXT VICTIM: Severus Snape.

MWHAHAHAHAHAHA...

**1:02 am... my quarters, in bed...**

In a rather anti-climatic way, I found Severus when I hunted down the headmaster in a little cove, outside in the staff garden. They had both made a tent, a campfire and were sitting in two stripy deck chairs sipping hot chocolate. I only found them by accident, as I was sick of looking all over the castle for Severus, so I thought I would nip out for a fly in the night sky. I swooped over the Owlery, under the bridge, and through the marble arch near where the staff garden is. If I had not noticed a strange blue light flickering away against the wall of the fountain, they would have gone un-noticed. Instead, I flew into investigate and found them in their thermals drinking bloody hot sodding chocolate.

Dumbledore had the nerve to tell me that he was still hiding from the Minister while Severus concluded that he had been dragged out there for company by the old coot.

Bah.

The cheek of it.

Serenely, I summoned my vaccination kit and proceeded to vaccinate them, threatening that if they both did not co-operate, then I would stick it in their bottom.

HARD.

Dumbledore threatened that if I did two weeks worth of wages would be cancelled.

I replied that I did not give a toss and that I had at least three vaults full of money from my old Quidditch days.

That shut Dumbledore up. Well, long enough for him to roll up his sleeve.

Severus tried to sneak out but Dumbledore wordlessly nailed him to the spot so I could inject him with no fuss at all.

Well, that's my lot to be getting along with. I'm surprised I'm not in a less agreeable mood to be honest. It only took a couple of hours this year. I am disappointed. I expected it to be at least two days.

Oh well.

I'm rather bored now.

Marcus will be back tomorrow.

I'm fed up with this bloody drippy romance book nonsense that Minerva gave me.

I need more books.

I feel like a trip to the Midnight Underground Shopping Mall in London. It's a great place in the underground that used to belong to outcasts, beggars, vagabonds, criminals, werewolves and other dark creatures. Now since the Ministry has bought it out it is a place of secret treasures. It's a bit like Knockturn Ally only a tad more friendly and legal. And also a great place to hide from the general public if the publicity gets too much. After I split from Benton, I found it a place of great solace, for there is but a low buzz of conversation filling the air and a tranquillity of a fountain that was built for werewolves to drink from. It is generally open from six pm till six am.

I think I shall take a trip on Thursday, as I don't have classes until one thirty. But still, I am bored, and I can't get to sodding sleep!

I feel like a bit of a swim.

Maybe that will exhaust me enough to sleep.

I think I will go to the staff swimming pool.

**1:12 am, Staff swimming pool…**

Oh Merlin's bloody balls!

I can't go anywhere without him poking his great sodding nose in!

Cocky git.

"What are YOU doing here?" As if I am not a member of staff.

"Not that it's any of your business, Snape, but I can't sleep. But then again, you can't help but stick that great conk of yours in, for it's almost too big to fit in the room."

Take that greasy bastard.

"Touché."

"I'm rather surprised you haven't melted into the water yet. I thought you were allergic to it."

"I live for surprises. You never know, I may decide to give you a very big surprise."

Arrogant sod.

How dare he insinuate such a thing.

As if I would ever consider his skinny-ass.

"Oh, but you already have. I am very surprised you are not a vampire."

"You wound me deeply." he replied mockingly, placing a hand on his white scarred chest. "I thought you were supposedly bright enough to realise that went I ate the garlic-filled dip at dinnertime, I would have perished before your un-astute eyes."

"Or maybe you are just not interesting enough for me to take note of your fascinating diets." I replied sweetly.

"If you say so."

"I do."

"So be it."

"Sev, just shut it." I said, and slammed the door to the cubical. If he's going to be in here for as long as I am, then I'm doing twenty laps then leaving. If not, I will lounge in the Jacuzzi. I think I will take a peak now as I think I heard him getting out.

Nope, he's gone.

Thank god.

**2:19 am, yup… **

The bastard was watching me in the Jacuzzi. It's raised slightly so you cannot see who's in there unless you climb up and look. I had almost finished my twenty laps when his odious voice resounded throughout the room.

"Stop cheating, you did not touch that last wall."

Well, that was it.

I thrust my middle finger high into the air, got out of the pool and showered. I wish we did not have communal showers, because I think he might be watching me. God he's making paranoid again.

Anyway, I'm off to bed.

**A/N Please Review... you know you want to...**


End file.
